It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
