Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
