i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
