After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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