I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize