I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
