i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
