This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize