I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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