Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
