At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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