Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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