It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry my hands just texted you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
