Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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