based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
