I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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