ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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