i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
