Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Randomize
