if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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