She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
