I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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