matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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