Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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