i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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