Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
