I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
