The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
