This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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