thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
