i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
