My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
