What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
