Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
