Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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