The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
