Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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