So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
