Umm I'm too high to move.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
