I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
