Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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