She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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