i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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