what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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