Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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