Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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