normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
