we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
