Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
