Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
