And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
