Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
