Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
