I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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