now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I need to stop coming to work sober
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
