Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
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In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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