the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im holly from the hills drunk
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
