im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
