If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
