This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
