this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
