The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
