Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
