I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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