remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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