Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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