the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
