Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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