Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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