guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
