Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
