smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
