Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
