Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
