I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
