I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
