I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
