My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
