So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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