Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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