There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's always time for handjobs
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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