My pussy is not your playground.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
