He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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